My AI therapist

A new client shared with me about her struggles in her relationship with her parents, feeling unsupported and unseen. But she said that now she’s improving—learning to set boundaries by reducing contact and creating psychological distance. When prompted on how she managed to do this, she said she talked with AI, which comforted her and helped her learn practical skills.  Despite this perceived progress, she reflected that interactions with AI lack warmth and human presence, which ultimately led her to seek counselling sessions for more relational support.

This is becoming a common trend—more people are using AI as their 24/7 counselor. People often ask: Is it the same as counseling—or even better?

Supporters highlight its convenience, cost-effectiveness, and privacy (despite ongoing concerns about cybersecurity).  Those against it argue that AI is “just a robot”—lacking emotion, warmth, and the ability to offer genuine love and support like a real human being.

While both sides make valid points, these arguments are overly simplistic.

Many people find AI counseling helpful and supportive, but they don’t fully rely on it. They gain cognitive input and insight—benefiting from the “wisdom” generated by big data. In many ways, this is similar to reading a collection of books for strategies and perspectives to cope with challenges.

However, when people become heavily dependent on AI for counseling or connection, it often reflects a deeper, underlying issue—the lack of trust in other human beings.

Unsurprisingly, many people who seek counseling have already experienced multiple emotional injuries, which may be defined as relational trauma. For individuals with complex relational trauma, opening up to others feels unsafe. In contrast, AI feels safer: it can respond to emotional needs, is always available (24/7), predictable (encouraging, affirming, practical), and controllable. Through interaction with AI, people may feel accepted, acknowledged, and sometimes even empowered—positively contributing to the cultivation of self-identity. This form of “connection” is especially appealing to those who have struggled in real-life relationships, and particularly to individuals on the neurodivergent spectrum, who often face lifelong marginalization and oppression.

That is why—even though people know AI is “fake”—they still need it. This reflects the deep, ambivalent attachment needs beneath the surface.

Using AI as counselling without awareness of its potential harm may further fragment the self, intensify ambivalent attachment needs, and create even more barriers to developing healthy relationships. The risks are especially high for vulnerable individuals*.

While many people seek counseling for emotional support and validation, they often forget (or never knew) that the true goal of counseling is growth. This growth happens through understanding and emotional attunement from the start, followed by reflection, insight, and transformation within a safe, non-judgmental environment. It is like creating fine art—through observation, ongoing attention, and attunement, noticing nuance and uniqueness from the outside while connecting from within. This process promotes transformation through both support and challenge. It is a soul-to-soul connection—something only human beings, as fellow mammals, can truly resonate with.

So, the next time you ask yourself, Should I go to AI or a real therapist?—pause and reflect:

·       If what you need is a quick fix, temporary comfort, or a bandage solution, you may find satisfaction with AI.

·       But if you are seeking healing and spiritual growth, you may want to turn to a real human counselor who can truly walk beside you.

*Blair, A. (2025, July 20). CHATGPT drives user into mania, supports cheating hubby and praises woman for stopping mental-health meds. Click here to refresh. https://www.aol.com/chatgpt-drives-user-mania-supports-203845149.html

YouTube. (n.d.). Texas mother sues AI chatbot for suggesting son should harm his family | NewsNation Prime. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-FiCdLP5S8